Ndathi Ngaba Ngummeli Wokuthula

NguDavid Swanson

Xa ndandifundisa ukuba ndingabhala njani, xa ndandifumana i-20 ukuya kwi-25, ndayiphuma (kwaye ndikhupha ngaphandle) zonke iintlobo ze-autobiographies. Ndabhala iidayari ezizukileyo. Ndiyifumene nabahlobo bam nabahlobo. Ndiya kubhala iikholomu zonke ixesha kumntu wokuqala. Ndabhalela incwadi yabantwana kwiminyaka yamuva eyayiyinyani kodwa yayiquka unyana wam omdala kunye nomntakwabo nomntakwabo kunye nabantakwabo njengabalinganiswa. Kodwa andizange ndiyichukumise i-autobiography kwiminyaka emininzi kunokuba ndandisaphila xa ndandisoloko ndibandakanya kuyo.

Ndicelwa amaxesha amaninzi ukuba ndibhale izahluko zeencwadi "ngendlela yokuba ndiba ngumgqugquzeli woxolo." Kwezinye iimeko, ndicela uxolo nje kwaye ndathi andinako. Enye incwadi ebizwa ngokuba Kutheni uxolo, ehleliwe nguMarc Guttman, ndabhala isahluko esifutshane esithi "Kutheni Ndibe ngumgqugquzeli woxolo? Kutheni ongeyena? "Ingongoma yam yayikubonakalisa ukubacaphukisa kwam ukuba umntu achaze ukusebenza ukuze aphelise into ebaluleke kakhulu emhlabeni, ngelixa izigidi zabantu abangasebenzi ukuphelisa kufuneka zinganiki inkcazo yokuziphatha kwabo.

Ndisoloko ndithetha kumaqela oxolo kunye neekholeji kunye neenkomfa malunga nokusebenzela uxolo, kwaye ndihlala ndibuzwa ukuba ndiba njani umlindi woxolo, kwaye ndihlala ndibeka umbuzo ngokukhawuleza, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba impendulo yinde kakhulu kodwa ngenxa yokuba imfutshane kakhulu. Ndingumlindi woxolo ngenxa yokuba ininzi-yokubulala iyingozi. Uthetha ntoni na isihogo kutheni ndibe ngumgqugquzeli woxolo?

Esi sikhundla sam sinqabile ngezizathu ezininzi. Enye into, ndiyikholo elinamandla kwiimfuno zamanyathelo amaninzi okufumana uxolo. Ukuba sinokufunda nantoni na indlela abantu abaye baba ngabadlali bezoxolo, siyazi kakuhle kufuneka sifunde kwaye sisebenzise ezo zifundo. Ubunzima bam bokuba indlela yokuthula iphela ngayo, ngaphandle kwe-apocalypse yenukliya iphelile, kukuba ukunyanzelisa uxolo kuphela xa umlindi wokugqibela wokuthula efumana i-Alzheimer's. Kwaye ndiyikwesaba ukuba ngumgqugquzeli woxolo. Kwaye kunjalo ephosa njengokuba kukho ababambezeli bezoxolo kuncinci kunam, ikakhulukazi abavukeli beemfazwe kwiimfazwe zase-Israel abangabandakanyekanga kwiimfazwe zase-US. Kodwa andisayi kuzifumana ngandlela-thile phakathi komncinci ekamelweni. Inkululeko yoxolo yase-United States ilawulwa ngabantu abaye baqalisa ukusebenza ngexesha lemfazwe yase-US eVietnam. Ndaba ngumgqugquzeli woxolo ngenxa yesizathu esithile, nokuba ngaba baxhomekeke kubancinci kunam. Ukuba ukunyanzelisa uxolo lwe-1960 kubonakale kumnandi kum, senza njani ukuba namhlanje kubonakale kukuthandekayo kwabo bangasayi kuzalelwa? Lo mbuzo onomdla uvela kumanani amaninzi kanye ndizimisele ukuphanda esi sihloko.

Kwelinye into, ndiyakholwa enamandla kummandla wokusingqongileyo ukuyila abantu. Andizange ndizalwe ndithetha isiNgesi okanye ndicinga nantoni na ngoku ndiyicinga. Ndiyifumane konke kwinkcubeko ecaleni kwam. Kodwa ngandlela-thile ndihleli ndicinga ukuba nantoni na eyenzela ukuba ndibe ngumlindi woxolo, kum kuzalwa kwaye ingenalo inxaxheba kwabanye. Andizange ndiyilwe. Andikho uSawule endleleni eya eDamasko yokuguqula ibali. Ndandinomntwana osemntwini waseUnited States omncinci kakhulu njengabo bam bahlobo kunye nabamelwane, kwaye akukho namnye wabo ophelile njengabadlali bezoxolo - nje mna. Ndithatha izinto abazixelela ngamnye umntwana malunga nokuzama ukwenza ihlabathi libe yindawo engcono kakhulu. Ndifumene imigaqo yeCarnegie Endowment for Peace, engenakukhunjulwa, nangona ndingazange ndive ngelo liziko, iziko elingakhange lisebenzise igunya layo. Kodwa yayisetyenziselwa ukuqeda imfazwe, kwaye ke ukuchonga into eyona nto eyona mbi ehlabathini kwaye isebenze ukuqeda loo nto. Ngayiphi na enye inkambo enokuba yinto enokwenzeka?

Kodwa uninzi lwabantu abavumelana nami kumagqugquzeli angqongileyo. Yaye ininzi yabo ayiyikuqwalasela imfazwe kunye nempi njengento ebalulekileyo yokutshatyalaliswa kwemvelo. Kutheni kunjalo? Ndingazange ndibe ngumlindi wendalo? Ukunyuswa kwendalo kukunyuka njani kuye kwamandla akhe anikezelwe ekupheliseni konke kodwa yentlekele engqongileyo kakhulu?

Ukuba ngaba ngumlindi wokuthula ubonakala ngathi, kubaluleke kangakanani kum ukususela kwam kwasekuqaleni ukuba ndandinceda ndenze lo mntu? Kwaye ukuba kubonakala ngathi kuyacaca kum, kutheni kuthatha ukuba ndide ndibe 33 ukuba ndiyenze? Kwaye kuthekani ngento yokuba ndidibana nabantu bonke abaza kusebenza njengabasebenzi bezobugcisa bokuthula xa umntu enokubanika loo msebenzi kuphela? Heck, ndiqesha abantu ngoku ukuba basebenze njengabasebenzi bezoxolo, kodwa kukho abafake izicelo ze-100 ngamnye ngamnye. Ngaba akuyona inxalenye yempendulo yokuba kutheni uxolo ludala, ukuba abantu abathathe umhlala-phantsi banethuba lokusebenzela mahhala? Kwaye akuyona inxalenye yombuzo wendlela yokuba ndiba ngumlindi woxolo ngokuqinisekileyo umbuzo wendlela ndifumene ngayo enye inokuhlawulwa ngayo, kwaye njani ndakwazi ukuba ngenye yenani elincinci labantu abenzayo?

Ukusebenzisana kwam kunye ne-1960 kwakukho inyanga ubude, njengoko ndalwa ngoDisemba 1, 1969, kunye nodadewethu wamathambo, kwisixeko saseNew York, kubazali ababengumfundisi weZizwe eziManyeneyo weCawa nase-Ridgefield , ENew Jersey, kunye nabaye badibana kwi-Union Theological Seminary. Baye beshiya iintsapho ezixhomekeke ngokufanelekileyo eWisconsin naseDelaware, ngamnye ngumntwana kuphela wabantwana abathathu ukuba ahambe kude nekhaya. Babexhasa amaLungelo oLuntu kunye nomsebenzi wentlalo. Ubaba wam wakhetha ukuba ahlala eHarlem, nangona kwakudingeka ukuba athenge izinto zakhe ngezikhathi ezithile kubantu abababileyo. Bashiya icawa ngokobuchwephesha nangokwemvelo, bephuma ngaphandle kwendlu ababehamba nomsebenzi, xa mna nodadewethu sasibabini. Sathuthela edolophini elitsha kwidolophu yasemaphandleni, eWashington, DC, eyayisakhelwe nje njengento ehleliweyo, ehamba ngeenyawo, i-toptop income income ebizwa ngokuba yiVeton, eVirginia. Abazali bam bajoyina icawa yobuKristu beSayensi. Bavotela uJese Jackson. Bavolontiya. Baye basebenzela ekubeni ngabazali abangcono kakhulu, nangempumelelo ethile ndiyicinga. Kwaye basebenza nzima ekwenzeni ubomi, kunye noTata bamise izakhiwo zeshishini ezindlwini, kwaye uMama wenza iimaphepha. Kamva, uTata wayeya kuba ngumhloli kwaye umama ubhale iingxelo malunga nabathengi bezindlu ezintsha. Baphoqelela abakhi ukuba balungise iimpazamo ezininzi kangangokuba iinkampani zaqala ukubhala kwizivumelwano zabo ukuze abantu bafumane ukuhlolwa ngabani na ngaphandle kobawo. Ngoku abazali bam basebenza njengabaqeqeshi kubantu abanenkinga yokukhathazeka, into yokuba uTata uzibonele ukuba unobomi bakhe bonke.

Ndiyazi kakuhle ukuba abaninzi abantu bacinga ukuba iSayensi yamaSayensi iphosa. Andizange ndibe ngumqhubi walo, kwaye abazali bam bawahla emashumi eminyaka edlulileyo. Ngokuqala ndaliva ngcamango yokungakholelwa kuThixo, ndacinga, "Hayi, ewe, kunjalo." Kodwa ukuba uzama ukuqonda ukuba unkulunkulu onamandla onke onobubele kunye nobukho bobubi, kufuneka (I-1) yenzeke kwaye ivumeleke ukuba ingacacanga, njengokuba abaninzi abantu bayayichazela inkolo ethile, bahlala bekhanyela ukufa, bhiyozela ukuzalwa kwentombi kunye nokukholelwa zonke iintlobo zezinto ezingekho ngaphaya kweSayensi yamaShishini kuquka ukuba umntu onamandla onamandla udala Imfazwe nendlala kunye nezifo, okanye (2) zigqiba ukuba ububi abukho ngokwenene, kwaye ukuba amehlo akho akufanele akukhohlise, njengamaSayensi asosayensi azama ukwenza, nazo zonke iintlobo zokuphikisana, impumelelo encinane, kunye neziphumo ezimbi, okanye ( 3) ngaphaya kweminyaka eyi-millennia -viewviews esekelwe kwi-anthropomorphizing indalo engenakukhathalela.

Lezi zifundo ezivela kumzekelo wabazali bam, ndicinga: yibani nesibindi kodwa nibubele, zama ukwenza umhlaba ube yindawo engcono, uphakamise uphinde uqale ngaphezu kokufunekayo, zama ukuqonda imiba ebaluleke kakhulu, uphakamise i-ideologically uze uzame kwakhona njengoko kufunekayo, hlala ujabule, kwaye ubeke uthando kubantwana bakho ngaphambi kwezinye izinto (kubandakanye phambili kweSayensi yamaSayensi: sebenzisa unyango olwenzelweyo ngokwenene, kwaye ulungelelanise njengoko kufuneka).

Intsapho yam kunye nabahlobo abasondeleyo kunye nosapho olongezelelweyo babengabikho mkhosi okanye abaxhasi bezoxolo, akukho naluphi uhlobo lwabalandeli. Kodwa impi yayingqongileyo kwi-DC kunye neendaba. Abazali bahlobo babesebenzela umkhosi kunye noLawulo lwezilwanyana kunye ne-arhente engayi kuthiwa. Indodakazi ka-Oliver North yayiseklasini yam esikolweni esiphakeme eHerndon, kwaye yafika eklasini ukuze isilumkise ngokusongela kweCommie eNicaragua. Kamva sambukela ebonisa ubungqina bakhe ngephutha phambi kweCongress. Ukuqonda kwam ezi mpazamo kwakunzima kakhulu. Uphulo lwakhe olubi kakhulu lubonakala luba nemali ye-misspent kwinkqubo yokukhusela indlu yakhe e-Great Falls apho abahlobo bam ababenamaqela apholileyo kakhulu ahlala khona.

Xa ndisebuseni lesithathu, mna nodadewethu savavanywa kwiprogram "enekhono kunye ne-GT," eyona nto yayingumbuzo wokuba nabazali abalungileyo kwaye bangabi sidenge. Enyanisweni, xa isikolo sinikela iimvavanyo, udadewethu wadlula kwaye andizange ndenze. Ngoko abazali bam bafumana umntu ondiphendule kwakhona, kwaye ndadlula. Kwinqanaba lesine sasihamba ngebhasi ngeyure kunye nabo bonke abantwana be-GT abasuka e-Reston. Kwesihlanu kunye nesithandathu, siye kwiprogram ye-GT kwisikolo esitsha ngaphesheya kwe-Reston. Ndandifumana ukuba nabahlobo besikolo nabangane bekhaya. Kwinqanaba lesixhenxe saya kwisikolo esitsha esiphakathi e-Reston, ngelixa iindwendwe zam ekhaya zaya eHerndon. Ngaloo nyaka, ndacinga, kokubili ukuyeka-phantsi ukusuka ekufundiseni okungcono kwamaBakala 4-6, kunye nombono ophazamisayo wentlalo kwintsana encinane. Kwinqanaba lesibhozo ndazama isikolo sabucala, nangona kwakungumKristu kwaye andingenayo. Kwakungekho nto. Ngoko esikolweni esiphakeme ndidibene nabahlobo bam baseHerndon.

Kuyo yonke imfundo, iincwadi zethu zetekisi zazifana nobuzwe kunye nepro-war njengesiqhelo. Ndiyicinga ukuba kwakungowesihlanu okanye wesithandathu abanye abantwana abenza ngetalente ingoma edlulekayo kwiminyaka emininzi emva kweSenator uJohn McCain: "Ibhomu ibhomu ibhomu, ibhomu ibhangele i-Iran!" Kwimeko yam nabafundi esiklasini, akukho nto yamgxekayo okanye ukungavumi, kungekhona ukuba ndivile. Kwakukho, ke, iirebhoni eziluphuzi kwimithi yabampofu abahluphekayo. Ndisenayo into eninzi yomsebenzi wam wesikolo, kuquka neengxelo ezizukisa abantu njengoGeorge Rogers Clark. Kodwa ibali lixhoba lexhoba lemfazwe ndabhala, kunye neBritish Redcoats njengabenzi bokubi, kunye neenkcukacha ezibandakanya ukubulawa kwenja yentsapho, ukuba ndiyakhumbula ukuba ndincede ukuvakalisa izimvo ezivela kumfundisi wam ebanga lesihlanu ukuba ndibe ngumbhali.

Into endifuna ukuyifumana kukuba mhlawumbi umakhi okanye umcwangcisi weedolophu, umyili we Reston olungcono, umdali wendlu ongeke abe nokwakha. Kodwa ndandinika ingqalelo encinci into endifanele ukuba nayo. Ndandinomdla omncinci ukuba abantwana kunye nabantu abadala babezintlobo ezifanayo kwaye ngelinye ilanga ndiza kuba enye. Nangona ndiya esikolweni kwelinye lamanqanaba aphezulu aphezulu kweli lizwe, ndacinga ukuba ininzi yalo yayingumthwalo womquba. Amabakala am aphumelelayo ahla ngokukhawuleza njengoko ndihamba esikolweni esiphakeme. Iiklasi ezilula zandikhathaza. I-AP (i-placement advanced) iindidi zombini zandikhathaza kwaye zifuna umsebenzi ongaphezulu kunokuba ndiza kwenza. Ndandithanda imidlalo, kodwa ndandincinci ukuba ndikwazi ukuncintisana nabo abaninzi, ngaphandle kwekhaya kwimidlalo yokuthabatha apho ndingayifumana khona ngokubaluleka kunokuba ndibukeke. Andizange ndiqedele ukukhula kude kube emva kwesikolo esiphakeme, endikugqibile kwi-17 kwi-1987.

Ukuqonda kwam ngethuba leminyaka yokwenza imfazwe yase-US kunye nokuququzelela kunye nokukhupha okubangela ukuba iLatin America yayinganakwenzeka. Ndiyayiqonda ukuba yiMfazwe yeCold, kunye neSoviet Union ukuba ibe yindawo eyingozi yokuhlala, kodwa iRashiya ndiyayiqonda ukuba yimi njengawe, kwaye iMfazwe yamaCold ngokwayo iya kuba yindlala (yiloo nto uSting wathi kwingoma yakhe BaseRussia). Ndabona i-movie yeGandhi. Ndicinga ukuba ndiyazi ukuba uHenry Thoreau wenqabile ukuhlawula irhafu yemfazwe. Kwaye ndaqonda ngokucacileyo ukuba kwi-Sixties abantu abapholileyo bechasene imfazwe kwaye bekunjalo. ndazile Ubhedu obomvu obunesibindi. Ndazi ukuba imfazwe yayiyingozi. Kodwa andizange ndibe nombono wento eyayithintela ekupheliseni ukulwa kweemfazwe ezininzi.

Ndinezinto, kuba ziphi na izizathu-ezilungileyo zokuzalwa komzali okanye i-genetics ezihlaziyileyo-ezimbini izinto eziphambili ekhanda lami. Enye yayikuqonda okufundiswa kubaninzi abantwana emhlabeni ukuba ubundlobongela bubi. Enye yayiyimfuneko embi yokungahambisani nokuhlonipha ngokupheleleyo igunya. Ngoko, ukuba ubundlobongela bebubi kubantwana, kwakungendawo noorhulumente. Kwaye, ngokumalunga nalokhu, ndandidla ngokuziqhenya okanye ukuzithemba ngokwam amandla okubheka izinto, ubuncinane izinto zokuziphatha. Phezulu kwoluhlu lwam iziqhamo lwaluyinyanisekile. Kusasa phezulu phezulu apho.

Imfazwe ayizange ifike kakhulu. Ngomabonwakude kuboniswe Mash. Sasibe nesityelele esityelele esivela ngaphandle kwedolophu eyayifuna ngokukhethekileyo ukutyelela i-Naval Academy e-Annapolis. Ngoko, samthabatha, kwaye wayethanda. Usuku lwalukhanyiswe ilanga. Iinqanawa zaphuma. Umgca we USS Maine wayeziqhenyce njengesikhumbuzo semfazwe yolwaphulo, nakuba ndingazi ukuba yintoni. Ndandisazi ukuba ndandwendwela indawo enhle, enolonwabo apho kwakukho izixhobo ezinzulu zokuqeqesha abantu ukuba bahlanganyele ekubulaleni abantu. Ndagula ndaza ndalala.

Yintoni eyayiyimpembelelo enkulu, ndicinga ukuba, kwimbono yam yomgaqo-nkqubo wangaphandle, wayeya kwelinye ilizwe. Ndandinomfundisi ongumLatini ogama linguNks. Sleeper owayeneminyaka eyi-180 ubudala kwaye angafundisa isiLatini kwihashe. Iklasi yakhe yayigcwele ukumemeza nokuhleka, iimpawu ezivela kuye zifana nokukhaba i-trashcan xa sikhohliwe ityala elimangalelayo, kunye nezilumkiso "i-tempus iyagxeka!" Wathatha iqela lethu e-Italy iminyaka evelele. Sasihlala kunye nomfundi waseNtaliyane kunye nentsapho yabo kwaye siya esikolweni esiphakeme saseTaliyane. Ukuphila ngokufutshane kwenye indawo kunye nolunye ulwimi, kwaye ukujonga emva kwendawo yakho evela ngaphandle kufuneka ube yinxalenye yemfundo. Akukho nto ibaluleke ngakumbi, ndicinga. Iinkqubo zokutshintshwa kwabafundi zifanele zonke iinkxaso esinokuzifumana.

Umfazi wam sinabantwana ababini, omnye u-12, omnye u-4. Omncinci usungule umatshini ocingelayo ubiza umnxeba. Uyakuthabatha, uphakamise ezinye iifowuni, kwaye ikuxelela oko kufuneka uyenze ngokulandelayo. Kunceda kakhulu kulo lonke usuku. Mhlawumbi ndibe ne-nexter ukuba ndiyisebenzise xa ndaphumelela esikolweni esiphakeme. Ndandingenakucinga ukuba ndenze ntoni ngokulandelayo. Ngoko, ndabuyela e-Italia unyaka opheleleyo wesikolo njengomfundi oshintshanayo kwi-Rotary Club. Kwakhona, amava ayexabisekileyo. Ndenza abahlobo baseItali ndiba nayo, kwaye ndibuye ndibuye ndiphindwe ngamanye amaxesha. Ndaphinda ndenza izihlobo kunye ne-America ehleli apho emkhosini kwisiseko esandise ukuba ndibuyele kumbhikisho emva kweminyaka. Ndiyaphinda isikolo, kwaye ndidlula nasiphi na amasosha esenza kwisixeko esinokuthula, kwaye sasiya kwi-Alps. Omnye umhlobo waseTaliyane, endingazange ndimbone ngaphambili, ngelo xesha wayefundela ukwakha izakhiwo zaseVenice, kwaye ndayigcina kunye naloo nto. Xa ndabuyela e-US ndafaka isicelo kwaye ndaqala ukuya esikolweni sokwakha.

Ngaloo xeshanye (1988) abaninzi abahlobo bam bevaliwe kwiikholeji zesekondari ezifunda iziphumo zokusetyenziswa kakubi kotywala. Abanye babesele bekhishwe kwiikholeji. Abanye abaye bafumana amabanga amanqanaba aphakamileyo esikolweni esiphakeme bafunda ngokucokisekileyo. Omnye wayefuna ukungena emkhosini. Akukho namnye oye wakhankanywa ngumkhankaso wokubambisa i-billion dollar-dollar campaign.

Ndenze unyaka wesikolo sokwakha eCharlotte, eNorth Carolina, kunye nonyaka nangesiqingatha ndicinga kwiPratt Institute eBrooklyn, eNew York. Ixesha langaphambili lalikho isikolo esingcono kakhulu. Le ndlela yokugqibela yayikude kwindawo eyithakazelisayo. Kodwa umdla wam waya ekufundeni, njengoko kwakungekho ngaphambili. Ndafunda iincwadi, ifilosofi, imbongo, imbali. Ndandigxininisa ubunjineli ekuthandweni kwemilinganiselo, okwakungenakwenzeka ukuba naluphi na izakhiwo zimele ixesha elide. Ndaphuma, ndathuthela eManhattan, ndaza ndazifundisa oko ndathatha ukuze ndibe yimfundo yobuninzi sans izifundo, ezixhaswa ngabazali bam. Imfazwe yokuqala yeGulf kwenzeka ngeli xesha, kwaye ndajoyina kwimibhikisho ngaphandle kweZizwe eziManyeneyo ngaphandle kokunika ingqalelo le ngxaki. Oko kwakubonakala ngathi yinto ehloniphekileyo, ephucukileyo yokwenza. Andizange ndibe nombono wento enokuyenza ngaphaya koko. Emva kwexesha ndafudukela e-Alexandria, eVirginia. Kwaye xa ndaphumelela kwiingcamango, ndaphinda ndaphinda ndenza oko ndandenza ngaphambili: ndaya eItali.

Okokuqala ndabuyela kwisixeko saseNew York ndathatha ixesha elide lokufundisa isiNgesi njengelwimi lwesibini kubantu abadala. Ndifumene isatifikethi kuloo nto kwiCyunivesithi yaseCambridge, engingazange ndibe nayo ebomini bam. Kwakuyinyanga enomdla kakhulu echithwa kunye nabafundi beeNgesi nabavela kwisiNgesi emhlabeni jikelele. Ngaphambi kokuba ndibe eRoma ngqongqo kwiingcango zezikolo zesiNgesi. Oku kwakungaphambi kwe-EU. Ukuze ndifumane umsebenzi, andizange ndikwazi ukwenza nayiphi na iYurophu engenakuyenza. Andizange ndibe ne-visa ukuba ibe khona ngokusemthethweni, kungekhona ngekhanda elimhlophe kunye nepasipoti yase-US ngaphambi kokulwa nempi. Ndandifuna ukwenza intetho-ndlebe ngaphandle kokubonakala ndihlaziyikile okanye ndinentloni. Oko kwandithatha ambalwa amalinge.

Ekugqibeleni, ndafumanisa ukuba ndikwazi ukwabelana kunye neendawo zokuhlala kunye nabahlala nabo, ndisebenze ixesha elide okanye ngaphantsi, kwaye ndizinikela ekufundeni nasekubhaleni ngesiNgesi nangesiTaliyane. Okokugqibela eyandithumela ekhaya, kubuya ku-Reston, kwakungekho, ndicinga, isidingo sokungena into engathí sina kangangoko imfuneko yokungabi semzini. Njengoko ndandiyithanda kwaye ndisayithanda iYurophu, njengokuba ndandithanda kwaye ndithanda amaTaliyane, njengoko kuluhlu olude ndikwazi ukwenza izinto endiyakholwayo zenziwa ngcono ngaphaya kwelapha, inkqubela phambili endiyenzayo njengokuba ndenza ngokubhekiselele ekutheni ngaphandle kokugxininisa, kwaye enkulu inzuzo njengoko ndandinabo ngaphezu kwam bahlobo bam base-Ethiopia nase-Eritrea abaye baxhatshazwa ngamapolisa, ndahlala ngononophelo e-Italy.

Oku kwandinika ingqiqo kwimpilo yabafuduki kunye nababaleki, njengabafundi bezandla zisesikolweni sam esiphakamileyo (kunye nokuba ngumfundi wokutshintshiselana kwamanye amazwe) kwenziwe. Ukuphathwa njengomntu oneminyaka eyi-13 xa ndingu 18, kunye ne-15 ubudala xa ndingu 20, ngenxa nje yokuba ndibukeka njalo, wandixelela ngecalulo. Ukukhathazeka ngabanye base-Afrika baseMelika eBrooklyn ndiye ndikholelwa ukuba andizange ndiyenze nantoni na inkohlakalo ukuze ndincede. Iimpawu zamanveli kunye nemidlalo endiyifunayo, nangona kunjalo, yayiyindlela yokuqala yokuvula amehlo eninzi kwizinto ezininzi, kubandakanya uninzi lwabantu abasemhlabeni abaye bafumana into engaphezu kwam.

Kumele ukuba ubuncinane emva kwe1993 xa ndabuyela eVirginia. Abazali bam babefuna indawo kwilizwe ukwakha indlu baze bahambe. Utopia yayiphendule kwi-sprawl. I-Reston yaba yinto eninzi yezixhobo zokusebenzisa izixhobo, iinkampani zekhomputha, kunye neekomidiniyam eziphezulu, kunye ne-Metro train esetyenziselwe ukuba yenziwe khona nantoni na, njengokuba bebesithi iminyaka emibini. Ndaphakamisa indawo yaseCharlottesville. Ndandifuna ukufunda ifilosofi noRichard Rorty owayefundisa eYunivesithi yaseVirginia. Abazali bam bathenga umhlaba kufuphi. Ndaqeshisa indlu kufuphi. Bandihlawulela ukusika imithi, ukwakha izicingo, ukuhambisa utshwala, njl., Kwaye ndabhalisela iklasi kwi-UVa ngokusebenzisa isikolo sokuqhubeka nemfundo.

Andizange ndifumane i-degree yeBachelor, kodwa ndafumana imvume yootitshala ukuba bathathe iikholeji zezikolo ezigqibeleleyo kwifilosofi. Emva kokuba ndithathile ngokwaneleyo, ndifumene imvume yokuba ndibhale i-ssisisi kwaye ndithatha i-Master degree kwifilosofi. Ndifumene umsebenzi omkhulu wekhosi ukukhuthaza. Kwakuyimpumelelo yokuqala yesikolo ubuncinci kwiminyaka emininzi ndiyifumene ukuba ivuselela, kwaye ayiyikuhlambalaza. Ndandithandazela i-UVa Code Code, eyathembele ukuba ungayikhohlisi. Kodwa ndafumana ezininzi izinto esizifundayo ukuba zibe yinto ebomvu yendalo. Iikhosi zokuziphatha ezifuna ukuba luncedo, akusoloko zibonakala zijolise ekuqaliseni into engcono kakhulu yokwenza okuninzi njengokumisela indlela engcono yokuthetha ngayo, okanye ukulungelelanisa, oko abantu babesenjenjalo. Ndabhalela i-mysis yecandelo lemiqathango yesimilo sohlwaywa kwezobugwenxa, ukulahla ininzi yabo njengento engafanelekanga.

Emva kokuba ndenzile i-Master degree, kwaye uRorty wayefudlulile kwenye indawo, kwaye akukho nto inomdla kum, ndandincenga ukuba ndiye kwindlu esecaleni kwaye ndenze i-PhD kwiSebe leNgesi. Ngokudabukisayo, eli sebe lindixelele ukuba kuqala ndifuna i-Master kwiNgesi, apho kwakungekho ndlela yokufumana ngaphandle kokuthatha i-Bachelor yokuqala.

I-Goodbye, imfundo esemthethweni. Kwakumnandi ukwazi wena.

Ngexa ndandifundela i-UVa ndasebenza elayibrari nakwiivenkile nakwiindawo zokutyela. Ngoku ndikhangela umsebenzi ogqityiweyo ogcweleyo kwaye ndagqitywa kwiingxelo zephephandaba. Ihlawule kakhulu, kwaye ndafumanisa ukuba ndiyingozi kubahleli, kodwa yayiyindlela eya kumsebenzi othile ekubeka amagama kumaphepha. Ngaphambi kokuba ndibalise ukuba ngumsebenzi, kufuneka ndibhekiselele ezinye izinto ezimbini ezikulo xesha: ukusebenza kunye nothando.

Nge-UVa ndathatha inxaxheba kwiklabhu ephikisanayo, okwangenza ndikhululekile ngokuthetha koluntu. Kwaye ndathatha inxaxheba kwiphulo lokufumana abantu basebenzayo kwi-UVa ukupheka ukutya kunye nokukhwabanisa i-trashcans bahlawula umvuzo ophilayo. Oku kwandibandakanyeka nabasebenzi be-activists emhlabeni wonke, kubandakanywa nalabo basebenzela iqela likazwelonke elibizwa ngokuba yi-ACORN, uMbutho weMibutho yoluntu yeNguqulelo ngoku. Andizange ndiqalise umkhankaso wokuhlawula umvuzo kwi-UVa. Ndandisandula ukuva malunga nalo, ndaza ndangenela ngokukhawuleza. Ukuba bekukho uhlobo lophulo lokuphelisa imfazwe, andiyi kubuya ndabuyela kuloo nto, kodwa kwakungekho.

Kwakhona ngeli xesha, ndamtyholwa ngamanga ngolwaphulo-mthetho. Ngenxa yokuba ndibancede abazali bam ekufumaneni amagosa kunye neengcali nezinye izinto, ndakwazi ukunciphisa umonakalo. Umphumo oyintloko, ndicinga ukuba, ukuba ndiyazi ngokubanzi ukungabi nabulungisa okubangelwa ngabantu abaninzi ngenxa yeenkqubo eziphosakeleyo ezinje. Ngokuqinisekileyo amava anempembelelo yam enqaku eliza kuluphinda libe ngumnyatheli wephephandaba, apho ndiza kugxininisa kumathambo omthetho. Esinye isiphumo esinokwenzeka sinokuba negalelo ekuhambeni kwam ekuhambeni kwamagama. Awukwazi ukuthetha icala lolwaphulo-mthetho ngaphandle kokuba abantu bakholelwa ukuba benjenjalo. Amava amnandi kakhulu ebomini bam ahlala ehlangene nokungaqiniseki. Kananjalo awukwazi ukuthetha ngetyala lolwaphulo-mthetho ngaphandle kokuba abantu bakholelwa ukuba uthatha uhlobo oluthile lwezithombe ezilula ukuba zonke iziganeko ezinjalo zihlala zibuxoki kumntu wonke. Kutheni ungena kubu budenge? Kwaye ukuba awukwazi ukuthetha into ebalulekileyo ebalini lakho, ngokuqinisekileyo awukwazi ukubhala i-autobiography.

Ndathi into ethile ngothando, akunjalo? Nangona ndandisoloko ndihlazileyo ngamantombazana, ndikwazi ukufumana amantombazana amancinci kunye nexesha elide kwixesha elide nakusesikolweni esiphakeme. Ngethuba ndibe e-UVa ndafunda nge-intanethi, njengethuluzi lophando, njengengxoxo yeforum, njengesikhala sokushicilela, njengethuluzi lokusebenza, kunye nendawo yokuthandana. Ndadibana nabasetyhini abaninzi kwi-intanethi kwaye ke nge-offline. Omnye kubo, uAna, wayehlala eNyakatho Carolina. Wayekulungele ukuthetha kwi-intanethi kunye nefowuni. Wayenqabile ukudibana nomntu, kude kube ngumhla kwi-1997 ukuba undibize ngokuhlwa ebusuku esithi uya kuqhutyelwa eCharlottesville kwaye wayebize yonke imini. Sasihlala ubusuku bonke size sihambe siye kwiintaba kusasa. Saqala ukuqhuba iiyure ezine, omnye wethu okanye omnye, ngeveki nganye. Ekugqibeleni wagqitha. Kwi1999 satshatile. Into enhle ndiyenzile ngoku.

Sathuthela e-Orange, eVirginia, ngomsebenzi eCulpeper. Emva koko ndawuthatha umsebenzi eDkt kwindawo ebizwa ngokuba yiBhovisi leMicimbi yeSizwe waza waqalisa ukuhamba ngokunyuka kwansuku zonke. Ndandiyifumene umsebenzi apho kubhala iincwadana ezimbini zeendaba, enye yezinyunyana zabasebenzi kunye nelinye "kubaphathi bezakhono zabasebenzi." Ndathembisa ukuba andiyi kubhala kubasebenzi okanye imibutho. Enyanisweni, ndifunwa ukuthatha inqaku elifanayo leendaba, ezifana nesigqibo seBhodi yoBudlelwane beZebasebenzi kaZwelonke, kwaye ingxelo malunga nendlela yokwakha umanyano kwaye ngokuphathelele ukuqhuma abasebenzi bakho. Ndizange ndiyenze. Ndiyaphuma. Ndandinomfazi ngoku kunye nomsebenzi wakhe. Ndine-mortgage. Andizange ndibe nethuba lomsebenzi.

Ndathatha umsebenzi wangqonkqonkqoza kwiingcango ukunyusa imali ukugcina iChesapeake Bay. Ngosuku lokuqala ndabeka uhlobo oluthile lwerekhodi. Ngomhla wesibini ndayilisa. Yayiyimisebenzi endiyakholelwa ukuba yenziwe. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo kwakuyi-drag drag. Ngokucacileyo ndikwazanga ukwenza umsebenzi kunye nomphathi wongamela, okanye umsebenzi ndimchasa ngokuziphatha, okanye umsebenzi ongeyithandanga. Yintoni endiyenzayo kwihlabathi? Nanku apho i-ACORN ifike khona, kunye nomzekelo endikulandele ukususela ekusebenzeni abantu ngokusekelwe ubuncinci bama-500 amamayela kude nam.

I-ACORN ihambe iminyaka emininzi ngaphandle kokuba ibe noluntu ubudlelwane bomntu, umntu kumgangatho wesizwe ukubhala i-press release kunye ne-schmooze kunye neentatheli, ukuqeqesha abakhuseli xa bethetha neekhamera zeTV, ukubeka i-op-eds, i-ghost-writing speeches, okanye uqhubeke C-Span ukuchaza ukuba kutheni i-lobbyists ingaboni kakuhle into enhle kubasebenzi kunabasebenzi. Ndathatha lo msebenzi. U-Anna wathatha umsebenzi we-DC. Sathuthela eCheverly, eMaryland. Kwaye ndaba ngumsebenzi onzima. U-ACORN wayengumsebenzi, kungekhona umsebenzi. Kwakukho konke kwaye ndaye yonke into.

Kodwa ngamanye amaxesha kwakubonakala ngathi sithatha inyathelo elinye phambili kwaye ezimbini zibuya. Sasidlulisela umvuzo omncinci wendawo okanye imithetho yokubolekisa ngokufanelekileyo, kwaye i-lobbyists iya kubakhuphaza kumgangatho welizwe. Sidlula imithetho yaseburhulumenteni, kwaye bahamba kwiCongress. Xa i-9 / 11 yenzeke, ukungcola kwam kunye ne-naiveté bekunzima. Xa wonke umntu osebenza kwimiba yasekhaya ngokukhawuleza wayeqonda ukuba akukho nto ingenziwa kwakhona, ukuba umvuzo omncinci awunakuba nexabiso elibuyiselwe kuwo njengoko bekucetywayo, njl., Ndiya kuhlawulwa xa ndibona nayiphi na ingcamango okanye uxhumano. Kutheni abantu befanele bafumane imali encinci ngenxa yokuba ezinye izilwanyana zithengela iindiza ezakhiweni? Kubonakala ukuba le nto yayiyinkcazelo yemfazwe. Kwaye xa iinqabetho zemfazwe zaqala ukubetha, ndandingenanto. Yintoni ehlabathini? Ngaba i-9 / i-11 yayingabonakali nje ukungabikho kwezixhobo zemfazwe ukukhusela nabani na?

Xa iimfazwe zaseBush-Cheney zaqala, ndaya kuzo zonke izibhikiso, kodwa umsebenzi wam wawuyimicimbi yasekhaya kwi-ACORN. Okanye bekude ndifumene umsebenzi wesibini osebenzela uDennis Kucinich kuMongameli 2004. Iphulo likaMongameli ngumsebenzi we-24 / 7, njengo-ACORN. Ndasebenza kuzo zombini iinyanga ngaphambi kokuba nditshintshe kuCininich yedwa. Ngelo xesha, oogxa bam kwisebe lezonxibelelwano lephulo ndixelele ukuba (1) le phulo yayiyinqwaba ebangeleyo yokulwa kunye nokungazi kakuhle, kwaye (2) ngoku ndiza kuba ngumphathi wayo " "Kodwa ke ndaye ndahlala ndibulela ngokuba ndilethwe, ndandisanda kuthanda, kwaye sisenza, umviwa wethu, endikufumene ngokukrakra ukuba asebenze kunye naye, kwaye ndandithatha ukuthatha ikhefu lokuhlambela ezimbalwa, udle kwideski yam, kwaye uhlambuluke kakhulu, de ndize ndiphinde ndenze ngenxa yeso sizathu.

Kwiminyaka kamva i-ACORN yachithwa inxalenye enkulu ngokukhwabanisa okulungileyo. Ndinqwenela ukuba ndisekho, kungekhona ngenxa yokuba ndibe nesicwangciso sokugcina i-ACORN, kodwa ukuba kube khona ukuzama.

Kucinich kuMongameli kwakuyimisebenzi yam yoxolo yokuqala. Sathetha ngoxolo, imfazwe, uxolo, urhwebo, uxolo, ukunakekelwa kwezempilo, imfazwe kunye noxolo. Kwaye kwaphela. Ndifumene umsebenzi we-AFL-CIO ejongene nombutho wabo weendaba zabasebenzi, ngokubanzi amanqaku eendaba zabasebenzi. Kwaye ke ndafumana umsebenzi kwiqela elibizwa ngokuba yiDemocrats.com ezama ukuyeka ibhaso elibi kwiCongress kwi-bankruptcies. Andizange ndibe ngumqhubi wamaDemokhrasi okanye amaRiphabhliki, kodwa ndandimxhasa uDennis, kwaye ndacinga ukuba ndiyakwazi ukuxhasa iqela elenzelwe ukwenza iiDemocrats zibe ngcono. Ndinezihlobo ezininzi ndibahlonela ngokupheleleyo abo bakholelwa kuloo ajenda kuze kube namhlanje, ngelixa ndifumana usebenziso oluzimeleyo kunye nemfundo echanekileyo.

Ngomhla ka-Meyi 2005, ndacetyiswa kuDemocrats.com ukuba ndizama ukuzama ukuphelisa iimfazwe, ekuphenduleni apho ndixelelwe ukuba kufuneka ndisebenze into elula njengokuzama ukuphazamisa uGeorge W. Bush. Saqala ngokudala iqela elibizwa ngokuba yi-Downing Street kunye nokunyanzelisa iindaba ezibizwa ngokuba yi-Downing Street Memo okanye i-Downing Street Minutes kwiimithombo zase-US njengobungqina bokuba u-Bush kunye neengcongolo babexoxile ngemfazwe yase-Iraq. Sasisebenza kunye namaDemokhrasi eNgqungquthela ababezenza ngathi ziza kuphelisa iimfazwe kwaye ziphazamise umongameli kunye ne-vice-president xa zinikwa i-2006. Ndasebenza kunye namaqela amaninzi ngelo xesha, kuquka iUnited for Peace and Justice, kwaye ndazama ukukhenkcela uxolo loxolo kunye nokuphambene.

Ku-2006, iipota eziphumayo zathi iidemokhrasi zanqoba iinqununu kwiCongress kunye negunya lokuphelisa imfazwe e-Iraq. Yiza ngoJanuwari, u-Rahm Emanuel utshele Washington Post Baya kugcina imfazwe ukuze baqhube "ngokuchasene" kwakhona kwi-2008. Ngo-2007, iidemokhrasi zalahlekelwa yintando yabo enkulu uxolo kwaye zaqhubela phambili kwinto endibonakala ngathi njenge-ajenda yokunyulwa kwamaDemokhrasi amaninzi. Ingqalelo yam yayikuphelile imfazwe nganye kunye nembono yokuqala enye.

Ngosuku lwe-Armistice 2005, kwaye silindele umntwana wethu wokuqala, kwaye kunye nam sikwazi ukusebenza nge-intanethi naphi na, sabuyela eCharlottesville. Senze imali ethe xaxa ngokuthengisa indlu esayithenge eMaldineni kunokuba ndenzile kuyo nayiphi na imisebenzi. Sasilisebenzisa ukuhlawula isiqingatha sendlu eCharlottesville ukuba sisenzima ukuhlawula esinye isiqingatha.

Ndaba ngumgqugquzeli woxolo opheleleyo. Ndajoyina ibhodi yeziko loxolo lwendawo apha. Ndajoyina zonke iintlobo zamaqumrhu namaqela ngamazwe. Ndanduluka ukuthetha nokubhikisha. Ndahlala eCapitol Hill. Ndamisa entolongweni yaseBush eTexas. Ndabhalwa amanqaku okuphambuka. Ndabhala i incwadi. Ndaya ejele. Ndazakhela iiwebhusayithi kwimibutho yoxolo. Ndaya kwincwadi yokutyelela. Ndathetha kwiipaneli. Ndaphikisana nabameli bemfazwe. Nda ndlebe ndlebe. Ndihlala e zesikwere. Ndandwendwela imimandla yemfazwe. Ndandifunde usebenziso lwamaxolo, elidlulileyo kunye langoku. Kwaye ndaqala ukufumana loo mbuzo kuyo yonke indawo ndahamba ngayo: Ngaba waba ngumlindi woxolo?

Ndenze njani? Ngaba kukho iipateni ezifumaneka kwibali lam nakwabanye? Ngaba ikhona into elapha ngasentla inokukunceda uyicacise? Ngoku ndisebenzela iRootsAction.org, eyadalelwa ukuba isebenze njengeziko le-online activist eliza kuthi libuye umva zonke izinto eziqhubekayo kubandakanya uxolo. Kwaye ndisebenza njengomlawuli we World Beyond War, endathi ndayibumba njengembutho ukutyhala kwihlabathi liphela ngemfundo engcono kunye nokusebenza ngokujolisa ekupheliseni iinkqubo ezigcina imfazwe. Ngoku ndibhala iincwadi eziphikisana nazo zonke izizathu zemfazwe, ukugxeka ubuzwe, kunye nokukhuthaza izixhobo ezingenabundlobongela. Ndihambile ekubhaleleni abapapashi ukuya kupapasho oluzenzekelayo, ukupapasha nabapapashi emva kokuba ndipapashe incwadi ngokwam, ukuza kuthi ga ngoku ndilandele umpapashi omkhulu ngaphandle kokwazi ukuba kuya kufuna ukuhlela njenge-tradeoff ukufikelela kubaphulaphuli abaninzi.

Ngaba ndilapha ngenxa yokuba ndiyakuthanda ukubhala nokuthetha nokuthetha kunye nokusebenzela ihlabathi elingcono, kwaye ngenxa yeziganeko zengozi ezandityalwe kwintlangano yokunyuka kokuthula kwi-2003, kwaye ngenxa yokuba ndifumene indlela yokungashiyi, kwaye ngenxa ye-intanethi likhule kwaye liye lenziwa - ubuncinci lugcinwe ngokungahambisani nanye? Ngaba ndilapha ngenxa yamagciwane? Udade wam wewele ngumntu omkhulu kodwa akayena umgqugquzeli woxolo. Kodwa intombi yakhe yintliziyo yemvelo. Ngaba ndilapha ngenxa yobuntwaneni bam, kuba ndandinothando oluninzi kunye nenkxaso? Ewe, abantu abaninzi baye babenjalo, kwaye abaninzi babo benza izinto ezintle, kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo akayikho inxaxheba yokuthula.

Ukuba undibuza namhlanje ukuba kutheni ndikhetha ukwenza oku ukuya phambili, impendulo yam yimeko yokupheliswa kwemfazwe njengoko kubonisiwe kwiwebhusayithi World Beyond War nasezincwadini zam. Kodwa ukuba ubuza ukuba ndingene njani kule gig kunenye into, ndinethemba lokuba ezinye zeziqendu ezingaphambili ziyakhanyisa. Inyani yile yokuba andikwazi ukusebenza phantsi kwesuphavayiza, andinakho ukuthengisa iiwijethi, andinakuhlelwa, andikwazi kusebenza kuyo nayiphi na into ebonakala ngathi igutyungelwe yiyo nayiphi na enye into, andibonakali ngathi ndibhala iincwadi ezihlawula kunye nokubhala ii-imeyile, kunye nomsebenzi Ukulwa iimfazwe kunye nezixhobo ezisebenzisanayo akukaze kubonakale kunabantu aboneleyo- kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, kwezinye iimbombo zayo, kubonakala ngathi akukho mntu konke-okusebenzayo kuyo.

Abantu bandibuza indlela endingaqhubeka ngayo, indlela endingahlala ngayo, ndingafuni ukuyeka. Le nto ilula kakhulu, kwaye andiyikuyidlala. Ndisebenzela uxolo ngenxa yokuba ngamanye amaxesha siphumelela kwaye ngamanye amaxesha silahleka kodwa sinomthwalo wokuzama, zama, zama, kwaye ngenxa yokuba ukuzama kukuvuyisa kakhulu kwaye kuzalisekile kunanoma yini enye.